mom? yeah hey its me. i just called to—what? yeah i’m doing fine thanks. listen i was playing call of duty and this kid said some really shocking things about you and i just had to confirm that they weren’t true
Jesus died and virgin and so will I, but for very different reasons. I am ugly. He is holy. I am a human turd. He is our Lord and Savior. I look bad with long hair. He looks pretty good with long hair.
before discovering lana del rey
after discovering lana del rey
don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me
*goes outside barefoot like the backwards country hoe i am*
- Customer: Ummm could you get your manager?
- Me: No, but you can get these hands.